Lusting after hams

Does anyone remember that part of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland where a pirate is seen chasing a woman round and round?

At least that's the way it used to be. They were these two manikins standing on a large rotating table so that they could be seen chasing each other, first out one door of the house then in through another, cuckoo clock fashion. Well, the PR people at the Magic Kingdom put their little politically correct minds together and decided it just wouldn't do. Amongst scenes of violent cannonades, debauchery and drunkenness and a convivial little tune whose original lyrics went something like, "We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot. Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho. We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot, "--- among all this they just couldn't bear the portrayal of a little ol' fashioned wenching! (Incidentally, at least according to one guy, the song's been sanitized over the years.)

I'll give those PC pinheads a thumbs up for their creativity, though, because they elegantly resolved their problem by placing in the hands of the maiden in question a platter full of meats and other food. So now when we see that crazed, glassed-over look in the eyes of the pirate and wonder at his tongue hanging out through that licentious grin we may meekly fold our hands in our laps and utter a constrained chuckle as we make some insipid observation along the lines of, "There goes that crazy ol' pirate again, lusting after her hams!" Indeed.