The world needs Dilberts
I've always found something funny about those jobs that require folks to apply some serious analysis to a trivial, little thought of, or funny object. Consider the following example.
If you think about it, the government must purchase tons of toilet paper in order to keep the public restrooms in our government buildings supplied. Can the state of New Jersey just pick up a catalog and say "Gimme 10,000 rolls of that one"? No, it falls on the head of some nameless bureaucrat or Dilbert-type engineer to write a specification for the toilet paper for the State of New Jersey. Some choice exerpts:
3.1.1 MATERIAL
Toilet tissue paper shall be unglazed, soft, and flexible, of even formation, and relatively free from visible wood slivers, shives, specks, holes, wrinkles or other imperfections....
3.1.2 PERFORATED ROLL SIZE
The rolls shall be 4 1/2 inches wide (+ or - 1/8"). The paper shall be perforated at 4 1/2 inch intervals (+ or - /8"). The sheets shall be easily detachable at the perforation. Each roll shall contain 1000 sheets, (Single-ply).
3.1.4 SOFTNESS
The tissue shall show maximum reading of 12" x 12" in either direction as determined by the handle-o-meter method.
Oh, and the handle-o-meter is a machine, pictured above, that measures a combination of surface friction and flexibilityity: "The test sample is placed over an adjustable slot. The resistance encountered by the penetrator blade as it is moved into the slot by a pivoting arm is measured."
More fun toilet paper facts and stories here.
posted by anchovy @ 12:26 PM
6 Comments:
At 7:56 AM,
Grant said…
Whoever wrote that probably makes more money than me.
At 7:35 PM,
mal said…
sheesh...I will not tell how many volumes a paint spec runs......
Wheel barrows are helpful for hauling them though
At 9:06 PM,
jj mollo said…
Tell the truth. That's your spec isn't it?
I'm afraid to ask, but if your at liberty to tell, what exactly is a shive? And are there specs written for degree of shivelessness?
At 3:07 AM,
anchovy said…
Oh man, how I wish that had been my spec! That'd be such an awesome claim to fame! Ok, I've got low expectations.
Funny, I had the exact same questions about shives. Best I can tell it's bart of the wood or bark. I like to think it's a typo and the author meant "shiv" ehich makes for a funnier spec.
Mal, just what is paint made of anyhow? I've spec'ed paint color before and that was weird enough.
Grant, funny what people get paid for, no? You think the guy who works at the fake dog doo factory tells his kids the truth about what daddy does for a living?
At 9:06 AM,
mal said…
Anchovy- the basics for a paint are resin, binder and pigment. From there it gets REAL complicated fast. The rule? decide what you need it do, the parameters that it can do it in and write the spec accordingly.
BTW- color is the most difficult thing to specify, it almost requires a physical standard for reference
At 8:33 PM,
jj mollo said…
It might also be a good idea to specify what cannot be in it. One of my sisters works for a company that produces paint additives. She says that some of them would surprise you.
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