Forward and backward
I sometimes meet up with folks I haven’t seen for a long time and, sadly, I often find their personalities or circumstances have not changed for the better. You see the girl who was teased and marginalized in high school compensate by turning into a preening prima donna. You see the pretty girl who got attention for her looks turn into an ugly adult whose whole worth is wrapped up in others' admiration. Then you have the failed marriages, drug problems and bad life choices.
I met a couple of people last night I hadn’t seen for a dozen years. Now, they were just fine and their changes weren’t like those I’ve described above. Still, one seemed a little embarrassed at taking so long to finish school, was badly affected by a very long term relationship and was still “finding herself.” Another seemed embarrassed when I said she hadn’t changed a bit, probably because, as I noticed only later on, she actually had. I enjoyed seeing these folks and I’m glad I went, but I think I lasted all of forty five minutes before I left. A number of the conversations I heard were so obviously, at least to me, driven by insecurities, full of name dropping, gratuitous cursing and superficial banter.
Now, in all fairness, I could probably stand to loosen up a bit more and what I’ve written here is based largely on impressions anyway. I guess my own shortcomings were no less on display last night. I wonder what other folks’ impressions are of me after all these years. Do they leave a reunion feeling sad or disappointed like I sometimes feel? Are they glad they said hello? Do they compare their own story to mine and feel inspired, intimidated, proud (of their own story)? I always try to make folks feel good about what they’ve done and what they’re doing. Can I do more? I met someone who postponed some goals in order to have a family. Does she know how proud and even a little envious I am of her? (This as she laments that I’ve done “more” than she has.) Do they even think about these things as much as I do?
Well, I do enjoy looking back, at other people and myself, but I sure do look forward to meeting the folks God would bring into my life. I wonder whom I shall meet today….
I met a couple of people last night I hadn’t seen for a dozen years. Now, they were just fine and their changes weren’t like those I’ve described above. Still, one seemed a little embarrassed at taking so long to finish school, was badly affected by a very long term relationship and was still “finding herself.” Another seemed embarrassed when I said she hadn’t changed a bit, probably because, as I noticed only later on, she actually had. I enjoyed seeing these folks and I’m glad I went, but I think I lasted all of forty five minutes before I left. A number of the conversations I heard were so obviously, at least to me, driven by insecurities, full of name dropping, gratuitous cursing and superficial banter.
Now, in all fairness, I could probably stand to loosen up a bit more and what I’ve written here is based largely on impressions anyway. I guess my own shortcomings were no less on display last night. I wonder what other folks’ impressions are of me after all these years. Do they leave a reunion feeling sad or disappointed like I sometimes feel? Are they glad they said hello? Do they compare their own story to mine and feel inspired, intimidated, proud (of their own story)? I always try to make folks feel good about what they’ve done and what they’re doing. Can I do more? I met someone who postponed some goals in order to have a family. Does she know how proud and even a little envious I am of her? (This as she laments that I’ve done “more” than she has.) Do they even think about these things as much as I do?
Well, I do enjoy looking back, at other people and myself, but I sure do look forward to meeting the folks God would bring into my life. I wonder whom I shall meet today….
posted by anchovy @ 8:35 AM
5 Comments:
At 11:05 AM,
j said…
i relate a lot with what you say about meeting old acquaintances whom you notice have changed for the worse and try to overcompensate for their lack of confidence through fakeness and bragging. it's hard for me to be sympathetic to these people and even be around them. overcritical of me? probably. but it's just my nature.
At 9:54 AM,
anchovy said…
You know, there is nothing wrong with making judgments about people's behavior. Whether we merely criticize and complain, which I'm afraid is all I've really done here, or instead help show the person a better way is the key. It's the key between merely beeing critical and taking a loving interest in the person's betterment. And I say this fully realizing I'm indicting myself here!
At 3:46 PM,
Anonymous said…
It is awkward meetings with old aquaintances such as this that makes me wary of going to my high school reunion at the end of this summer. That, and the fact that I hated all but about 2% of high school.
At 4:52 PM,
anchovy said…
fawn deerest, I had some ups and down too, but nothing so bad I'd refuse to attend. I happened to be out of town when they had ours. The only thing is, I probably would only have known or remembered a couple people out of the whole bunch. Go to the reunion and take a friend. Think of it as though you're attending a retro party! Or you can bring a hip flask in case things get boring like a friend of mine did, but maybe that's not quite your style!
I read that somewhere--that high school wasn't the best of times. I wonder who you were then, who you are now, what's changed, what you wish hadn't changed, what you'd do differently.... or maybe you'd just as soon have a root canal than revisit that chapter. So, let me tell you all about my collection of beer taps.... !
At 3:10 PM,
Anonymous said…
I'm much more social now than I was then. I was the girl with long, straight brown hippie hair, all black clothes, combat boots, nearly straight-A's, and just a handful of equally as depressed and disturbed, geeky friends. I prefered some of my teachers to most of my classmates, did all I could to avoid extra-curricular activities, and spent my free time in my room reading classics and science fiction novels.
Post a Comment
<< Home