Does this happen to anyone else? When I don’t sleep much for a couple days in a row and then get a full night’s sleep I often have particularly vivid dreams as if my mind is making up for the previous nights.
Last night I dreamed about---gulp---my wife. I’m not married and I don’t think I’ve met her yet, but I dreamed about her nonetheless. Basically the dream seemed to expose some fear that maybe my careful, prayerful approach to relationships might be causing me to miss my chance. Nothing new there. I’ll be the first to admit that in the dark of night sometimes I doubt my own convictions.
The few details I can remember about the dream go something like this. She was someone I knew as a friend, but she was frustrated that I wouldn’t make the move toward a romantic relationship. In that way that can only happen in dreams, this evolved into her being frustrated that I wouldn’t propose to her or something along those lines. In any case, I saw the next step as being a huge leap and I wanted desperately to know it was the right thing to do before I jumped. I needed confirmation that it was God’s will for my life. I needed to pray. I needed time. All well and good, but here was this wonderful, beautiful woman who had absolutely captured my heart crying her heart out. In my dream her eyes were red and swollen from crying which made me love her all the more. It would have been so easy to say yes. Any bystander would have thought I was crazy not to say yes, that I was risking losing her by asking her to wait, that I was just looking like I was afraid of commitment or something. As if I really wanted to wait! It was killing me to say no, but I just had to wait a little longer. Believe it or not, I do remember that I specifically told her to give me two weeks. Not very realistic, but it was only a dream after all!
The weirdest part of the dream is something I can’t easily describe. I saw her. I knew I would marry her and I felt that feeling tangibly. It was real, exciting and so palpable it didn’t seem like a dream at all. As I’m writing now I’m getting flashes of remembrance. I remember the anguish, her wet eye lashes sticking together from her tears. I almost remember what she looks like. I want to remember. I want to go back and dream a little more. Did she wait for me? Will she meet me in my dreams?
(I am so gonna get busted one of these days for writing all this syruppy stuff in such a public forum!)
4 Comments:
At 7:42 AM,
Saur♥Kraut said…
;o) You won't get busted. Your future wife will treasure the Romantic You.
I believe that you are right about what your subconscious mind is trying to tell you.
I tend to be overcautious, myself. Having been in a couple failed relationships, I am overly cautious now, to a point that I am almost happier being single and alone because that's a known future. And yet, the hope that Mr. Right and not Mr. Right Now is always there!
I have a couple very nice men that are anxiously pursuing me, and I'm quite flattered. But I still don't know if I'm really ready for anyone at this time.
Ah well, nothing like Christian Angst, huh?
At 4:27 PM,
anchovy said…
As it is, I tend to where my heart on my sleeve. Mostly I worry about folks misinterpretting what I write.
I totally understand about being cautious as a result of bad experiences. Compared to most I don't think I've had too many terribly bad experiences. Avoiding getting burned is not really my motivation; it's really just my perspective on what a relationship ought to be. Pretty mainstream Christian stuff, really.
As for you, you're in an enviable position to choose and your carefulness will pay off. Kudos!
And ya, nothing like Christian angst! We're asked to believe some pretty funky stuff, so a little doubt is to be expected. The beauty of it is that without a little doubt there'd be no opportunity for faith!
At 7:54 AM,
mal said…
not to worry, I have been busted and survived *L* you will too!
I understand that dreaming is a process where our minds are reordering and sorting themselves out. I wonder though if we are not also processing the data and making connections that are not consciously obvious?
At 11:28 PM,
anchovy said…
Dreams are gold for us introspective types becuase it gives us a whole new reason to wring our hands over how not "normal" we are!
But seriously, I've had so much fun with dreams. The best are the ones where you're aware that you're dreaming even as you dream. These are like watching a movie only better because you're personally invested in the plot line!
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