Plumbing is so gay

Plumbing is gay.

Plumbing first has to be sexual before it can be gay, right? Enter the engineer who came up with plumbing fittings to begin with. He undoubtedly was a middle-aged dork with a collection of super hero action figures (think 40 year old virgin (but not 29)). As we all know plumbing fittings come in two flavors--male and female. Why male and female? Because this middle-aged dork engineer got his jollies by screwing the male nipple into the female union. He got off on the thought of male pipe threads sealing against fluids by virtue of fitting tightly inside tapered female threads. His eyes rolled back at the convention (and there's no good reason for it) that the male end always points in the direction of fluid flow. But let me stop, lest we begin to think maybe he was on to something.

So there is no doubt whatsoever plumbing is sexual. Now let me tell you why it's so gay. In particular, 45 degree flare fittings are particularly gay. I go down to the local hardware store to buy some fittings for what ought to be a very simple job. I've got a 3/8 inch male flare fitting sticking out of a pipe in the wall. These flare fittings usually go on at the end of black steel pipe (regular pipe threads) to allow easy connections to gas appliances. So I want to attach a T to this male flare fitting so that I can have two male flare fittings sticking out to install two appliances. Really, this T business should be done back at the steel pipe, but I'm trying to avoid this.

So I go down to the store like I said and I look for a T. When I finally do find one (three stores later) the T is all male. You may as well have tied together three coctail weiners together in a spoke pattern. (and the particular shape of flare fittings only help to enhance the visual) Think about it. If you're in need of a T you're probably going to install it between some existing male-female connection. You undo that connection and you wind up with a male on one end and a female on the other. The T, it stands to reason, should, therefore, include at least one female end, right? No way, plumbing is so gay it won't pass up the chance to shove a male fitting in your face. Three weiners even better.

Ok, so now I've got to find a fitting to connect two males together. Well, the things that connect two females together are called nipples. The things that connect two males together, well those we call full-on couplings. So gay. So I'm looking at like four different stores and none of them have couplings for flare fittings, but I look up at the shelves of each of these stores and they're chuck full of male nipples, male reducers, male three-way T's etc. All very gay. It's a veritable coctail weiner-fest, let me tell you. But no couplings. Why? because then you'd have two male ends pointing at each other and that would break the convention that the male end must point in the direction of fluid flow....And that would be gay.